I Have A Daughter

I have a daughter.

She’s f-cking amazing. She’s not even six months old but she’s f-cking amazing.

I am terrified that she will not have rights to health care that will make her feel like a safe woman. I am terrified that she is coming up in our country with a major group of people trying to rob those basic, human, legal rights from her. I am worried that because of this men who are bullies will feel empowered by our government. I am worried that because of this people will stop caring about our girls. I am worried about the power of the Republican Party for this reason. (I am sorry Republican friends I still love and accept you but your party as a whole is very extreme on this issue now and so I will not stop worrying unless you start changing).

I am worried but more so…

Society currently scares me. I have a girl.

Society is obsessed with being thin. Being “hot” having big boobs, having perfect skin, having a perfect ass…a flat stomach, being super-fit, being “perfect”? WHAT IS PERFECT? Last I checked that was pretty subjective. It doesn’t matter though because my daughter is growing up around superficial obsession. It scares me. And it should scare you too. (In my opinion)…

WE NEED TO BE THE CHANGE: Everything you say and do- she hears and takes to heart. So change it! Start the change in her house…one by one we can make things better, girl by girl…

-Do not talk negatively about your body around your daughter. STOP IT!

-Do not diet or talk about dieting in front of your daughter (just show her moderation, healthy eating and exercising habits).

-Practice positive reinforcement about her body “look how strong you are” “look how good you are at doing that” etc. Also you and your partner should talk about each other in that way in front of her.

-Tell your daughter she is beautiful. DO NOT OVER CORRECT ON THIS ISSUE- SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD SHE’S BEAUTIFUL, SPECIAL, SMART, CREATIVE, THOUGHTFUL, INSIGHTFUL, COURAGEOUS, FUNNY, COMPASSIONATE…from you. It’s never too early to start this. I do it now. It’s been part of the song I made up to put her to sleep. It calms her and she totally listens. “I love you Aviva, yes I do, I love you Aviva..yes, it’s true…I love your nose, I love your toes…I love your eyes, I love your smile. I love your laugh, I love your heart, I love your thoughts, I love your soul. I love your insides, I love your outsides, I love your everything…yes I do… ”

So while we work on all of the above we need to try to also combat the issues with in us that make us feel shitty and keep us from being an awesome mom-woman-example to our daughters.

Some thoughts on this from a new mom who’s postpartum and still wants to party life up, but has had a LOT goin’ on…

HERE’S THE POSTPARTUM SUCKS PARTY…

  1. THESE ARE NOT MY BOOBS!!!! (Yeah dude…these are your boobs. check yourself before you reck yourself…these…your post nursing boobs…are YOUR NEW BOOBS! (Hello 32D good-bye 34G) and then it’ll hit you how MUCH MORE AWESOME THESE NEW BOOBS ARE! You don’t have to put them in 3 bras…and a work out bra. Nope! They’re cool on their own. Remember that from, before you were pregnant? I know it seems like forever but yeah…So much easier and way more fun!
  2. MOM NEEDS LOVE TOO! Okay so you’ve had your baby and you’ve been living for, breathing for, dealing for this person 100% since they arrived. It’s the best thing ever ever ever but it also zaps you of “you” so let your partner step up and give you some love…go get a Mani Pedi, blow out, massage, go out with a friend…let the person who doesn’t take care of this baby full time step up for a couple hours and give you some “you time.” P.S. This is not gender specific…if you’re a stay at home dad this pertains to you…. if you’re in a same sex relationship-this pertains to you! This means the full time person needs/gets to have a break. The whole fam will be better for it, trust. 😉
  3. USE YOUR TIME WISELY… so the baby is taking a nap? Here’s what that looks like (and this grants you freedom post bed-time to: have dinner/take a shower or bath/ take a breathe/ have a cocktail/ really shave and put lotion on/lay down/sleeeeeeep, HAVE SEX!!!!)

-Do laundry (or start it at least- you can always finish it after they go to sleep)

-Make or organize dinner

-Do dishes, bottles, etc. organize feedings for when they wake up

-If you’re on formula- pre-make it and make bottles for next 20 hours or so

-Clean house/clean yourself!

You get me- get as much done while they nap as you can so that when they go to bed at night you can try to have a life. Even if that means curled up under a blanket in your PJ’s watching TV. Just do what you can do to set up some chill out time each day. This will make you feel human.

  1. TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED! You and your partner need to communicate. There are so many more new things to be on top of now.  You need to check each other about what needs to be done and when. You have to be each other’s checks and balance system.
  2. LET IT OUT: Find a way that’s healthy to let your emotions, frustration out. If you need to dance intensely (what?) around the living room and then stay up way too late writing, to alleviate stress- do it. (Not that I know from that I’m just saying…as an example)… Play drums? Ride a bike? Surf? Meditate? Whatever it is- do it. Let it out or it’ll come off on your kid, or partner and no one wants that in the world. We need to practice maximizing love export/import.
  3. EMBRACE YOUR POSTPARTUM BODY: If you are a stay at home mom like me chances are you are CONSTANTLY moving: you’re bouncing him/her, burping him/her, dancing, moving and grooving, holding, rocking, multi-tasking all the time…you do not stop. Okay so you probably lost weight this way- but if you didn’t it’s also because you’re still nursing (mine ended 8 weeks post) or for the sheer fact that every single body is different. This includes the body you started out with and the body you now have several months after giving birth. This is mine. I took this in the bathroom mirror at 3am. This is me 5m postpartum. It’s not my best photo. I didn’t try to make it look good (I even have a line from my sweats on my stomach, my hair is up still wet because I didn’t have time to tend to it today, I’ve had a whole day of eating and what not….this is just REAL). This body has had nothing but hard times with nursing, had to stop after 8 weeks, had a c-section, had retained placenta and a D&C to remove it at 7 weeks postpartum. I look at my “new and temporary” body and think:

 

-My breasts don’t fill out my bra the way they used to, but they still look good naked and I’m feeling lucky about them because they fed my baby and gave her my immunity. (Give yourself props for things- it’s okay to say- hey- I LIKE THIS- MY BODY DID GOOD)! Society teaches us to hate ourselves but that’s not okay- this is an activity of love….go take a postpartum selfie and try to like some things you see!!!

-I look at my c-section scar (not featured as it’s too low) and I just feel so grateful to have been able to give birth to my daughter. I’m in awe of her daily and to me, she’s a dream come true and a miracle all in one. I look at my scar and just feel love for her and proud of my body.

So let your postpartum body make you feel good! You gave birth to a human, you did that with your body- YOU ROCK! I am in awe of what my body went through and amazed by how it’s thriving even though I don’t have much time for it these days and with all honesty, have NOT made getting toned back up a priority. My daughter is. All day. That’s just me. Luckily I kind of work out all day while I take care of her because I just do it that way. 😉 I’m getting back to pilates and that’s a gift my husband is giving me in that he’ll be the child care for an hour on the weekend while I go love on my body a bit. This is ALL about me feeling good and not at all about looking a certain way. I feel better when I got to pilates classes- end of story. The focus here is on how I FEEL.

-Get it on. You need to let your postpartum body be sexual no matter what it looks like. You are now a MILF- OWN IT! Feel so sexy because of what that body did! If it feels or looks weird don’t sweat it! It’s so hot to your partner because if you feel empowered about it- they will in turn connect with that and focus on how sexy it is that you’re their baby’s mom. Oh my gosh seriously- it’s the sexiest thing! Don’t knock it till you try it!!! 😉

I have a daughter…..I will do everything in my power to keep her safe, teach her right from wrong and support her to be whomever she feels she is. So that’s #7. Treat your child the way you wish life treated you. This includes trying to protect her rights as a woman- that is part of keeping our daughters safe and treating them how we would want to be treated (with respect and as equal humans to men). This is the best party you can create: An everyday celebration of your child…Show then how you celebrate yourself and they’ll learn to do the same and not hate themselves.

This is all a huge gift…mommy. Enjoy it. Party on!

XO- The f-cking proudest mom ever baby….

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To Gluten Or Not To Gluten, That Is The Question

This one eats wheat...

This one eats wheat…

This one can not....

This one can not.             

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did your mom ever do “this little piggy” with you when you were little? Ya know: “This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none, this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.”

Well our family’s version would be like:

“This little piggy has Celiac, this little piggy does not, this little piggy fell in love with that little piggy and went gluten-free, this little piggy got pregnant and got one shelf in the kitchen for wheat at home.”  Or something like that.

So what do you do when you get pregnant and you have food allergies in the household? How do you give your baby the best chance at not having issues as possible, knowing he/she is genetically predisposed to them? Note: When I say issues I’m not talking about how this little piggy tends to be overly sensitive and emotional and that little piggy can be a little neurotic and overly analytical. Those “issues” are going to be a toss up in that mixed up genetic soup we’re serving. I’m focusing here on food issues only.

When I was dating my now husband, he found out he had Celiac Disease. We weren’t living together yet but I made sure my apartment was 100% Gluten-Free to support his new life change. He had to make some sad changes in diet and I wanted him to know he had my full support. Also, I didn’t want to risk him being at my place and just grabbing something to snack on with out paying attention and getting poisoned. The horror! So, right then and there, the day of the test results, we began our Gluten-Free living. Now, that isn’t to say when I was out to eat that I would eat only Gluten- Free, but if I was eating out with my man, I usually would since he’d often eat off my plate plus I never liked making him feel left out. This of course continued through us moving in together, at dinners and parties I throw- anything that goes on in our home is Gluten-Free. It works well when his brother (who also discovered his Celiac Disease around the same time) or my brother (who is Gluten-Free for sinus issues and allergies) are in town. In fact, my brother is also dairy free. You should see what goes on around family holidays it’s a whole thing!

When we became pregnant, my husband who loves medical research more than anyone I have ever met, put his skills to work. He tried to learn about what I should do with my eating. Since the baby has a Celiac daddy and a wheat tolerant mommy does it mean it’s a 50/50 chance of Celiac? Well here’s the scoop. There’s no documented research that provides us with any certain answer to these questions regarding gluten. However, my husband did find this extremely helpful study about nut allergies. We know many people with children who have severe nut allergies and we don’t wish that on our little peanut either. Can you imagine? She’s got Celiac and a deadly nut allergy? God forbid. Okay it’s all too much to worry about sometimes I tell you. I just want to give her the best chance I can control to be as healthy as possible.

If we go by this study, not only will I make SURE to eat my nuts (easy I am a peanut butter and cashew a-holic) but I will also make sure to introduce wheat into my pregnancy diet. This way since I can tolerate wheat, our baby girl will get to be exposed to it too! And then honey from there it’s just a big ‘ol fingers crossed!!!

So, now we have a cabinet just for moi, in the kitchen that contains some whole wheat crackers and random little nibbles I like (and haven’t had in quite some time since the Celiac revelation). Only on occasion, if my hubby has been on call and up all night operating and is super sleepy will he go into that cabinet and you can hear me from across the apartment yelling “wheat! wheat! stop!” It’s like I have super powers on that one cabinet I tell ya. When we eat out now I make a point to eat gluten because although at home I have a little, I really still don’t bring too much into the home that I can’t share with my man. Also, let’s face it at 3am if he gets “snacky” after being called in, I’m in the other room asleep and not there to scream “wheat!”

So this little piggy loves that Gluten-Free little piggy and we really hope our little piggy in the womb is enjoying the healthy variety she’s getting fed. Now off to Trader Joes and the local Co-op market I go!