If you’re like me, the day/night before you have a big deal OB/doctor appointment or ultrasound you are riddled with worry and terrified something will be wrong. You stay up all night with concern. Essentially, you make yourself crazy. I’ve discussed this with some friends who are also currently pregnant and it seems we all tend to do the same thing. Some of us pray, some of us chant, some of us eat ice cream, some of us watch TV or movies to try to distract our thoughts. Either way you spin it, the night before one of your major OB or ultrasound appointments is nerve racking. Then, all of a sudden, you’re laying there on the table waiting for someone to tell or show you that your baby is okay, that everything is perfect and that you have nothing to worry about at that moment. Most of us are lucky enough to get that news although not all of us. It’s because of that fact that we worry. Every mom to be knows the odds- that some of us are and some of us aren’t going to be the lucky recipients of good news. My guess is that this will continue to happen until the baby is actually born and then it will manifest itself in new ways of worry that pertain to the baby’s health moving forward. I guess this is called being a mom!
That gorgeous, perfect, amazing, adorable, miracle of a photo above here, is from our 20-21 week ultrasound yesterday. We were lucky enough to be told our baby girl is looking perfect, that her brain, her heart, her kidneys, limbs, spine, lips, hands, feet, etc. are all where they should be, as they should be and looking wonderful. There I was on the table holding my husband’s hand with happy tears streaming down the sides of my face. We were squeezing each other’s hands every time we watched the ultrasound move to check another organ. She was moving around through the entire ultrasound! My husband joked that of course, she was dancing because she takes after her mom. He later joked when the tech was checking out her femur bones that she’ll probably have 6′ legs on a 5’10” body like her mom. Once things started going well in that room we relaxed, we could make jokes and we could enjoy each moment. Then, at one point, our little baby seemed to have her arm bent over her head in the same exact way her dad tends to fall asleep! He turned to me and said “Oh my God! Just like me!” It was just awesome. It was awe inspiring. It was a true miracle to watch. It made me believe in a higher power on another level, truly.
When we got home, I collapsed. My body gave out, my brain stopped working and I just couldn’t do one more thing. Finally all the worry, the sleepless night and fret caught up to me and I just fell into the couch. I could hardly even make it to the bed a couple hours later. Granted, we just came off of moving into a new home. I had been pushing myself for days packing our stuff up and then moving and unpacking and setting up our home. (Doing something like this is much harder pregnant and certainly pregnant and dealing with fatigue, migraines, etc. but better at 5 months than 9 right)?! I was exhausted going into this “night before a big ultrasound worry” but then it just zapped me completely. Luckily, I have a husband who understands, who steps up and who takes care of me in these moments. For that, I’m beyond grateful.
For these moments of miracles, for these tests and ultrasounds that make us crazy concerned, that drive us to pray and chant and stay up all night no matter how exhausted we already are…they are so worth it. They are also just one more part of the equation that makes us what we are in the process of becoming….a mother.
Now it’s time to get some rest and enjoy my baby dancing around inside me. Until the next big appointment! Here’s to getting some sleep!