This Is and Is Not My Fantasy Pregnancy: all at the same time.

In bed all day that day

I’ve been vacillating on what this next blog should be about. Should I write about my new favorite this or that? Or should I share with you a couple new books I’m reading about newborn care? (I will don’t worry). Or, should I take a risk and do what feels really uncomfortable to do, which is write about how I’ve been feeling and perhaps share my reality to possibly help you with yours? Yes, that. So, here goes…

I’d like to dedicate this blog to a concept a friend shared with me years ago about being “mindful” and being able to be both really one thing and also really something else, all at the same time. Part of being mindful is accepting that it’s okay to be all the things you are at this moment, and there’s peace in that. I can be in bed with a migraine for 4 days straight and also so happy and grateful to be blessed with this pregnancy. I am all of the emotions and feelings in both of these things, all at once, with out judgment and that is okay. (And there’s my migraine selfie to the left from the other day).

Often times we feel we are only allowed to be all one thing. For ex. I’m pregnant and it’s this one thing I’ve dreamed about my whole life: becoming a mom some day and now I’m actually doing it. So, I think I should be grateful, elated, happy and bursting with joy all day and night. I do feel all those things in my heart and soul, but my pregnancy has not been an easy one. I often feel pretty horrible every single day. At 19 weeks pregnant now, I’ve not felt well for one day since about week 5 or so. Does that mean I am not SO happy to be pregnant? Not at all. In fact, ask my husband, on my hardest of days, in his hour of concern for me and feeling so bad for how I’m feeling, he asked me how I may be able to do this again if I have a similar pregnancy and with this little one running around? My answer to him with out blinking or taking a breathe was, “I’ll do this again. We’ll work it out.” Because I know that I will do this again because I do want more than one child and I know we will work it out. Whatever that means at the time, just like we are now. My desire to be a mother is greater than my need to feel wonderful for 9-10 months of my life. I can handle it because I am so grateful, blessed and happy to be this lucky to have my dream come true.

Each pregnancy is different. The one of my dreams was amazing. I had that “glow” about me…had tons of energy and felt very earth-mama-connected-zen-ed out-peaceful and full of life. The one in my dreams, man, it was awesome. Many women get to have that kind of pregnancy and they feel amazing the whole time. If this is you- you’re so lucky! Enjoy it! Many women (like me as it turns out) don’t have the easiest time. There can be issues with morning (or all day) sickness, headaches, fatigue, constipation, Thyroid issues, Anemia, dizziness and much more. Some women even have to be on bed rest (God forbid). For me, I was nauseous all night and day until about week 13-14 on top of daily headaches which at times turned into migraines. Sometimes those migraines would last for days and nights at a time. There were several days where getting into the shower, walking the dog, doing an errand, felt like a small feat. I have chosen not to take drugs as much as I can control during my pregnancy so, despite being told by my OB that Tylenol is “pregnancy safe” I only took it one time this whole time. (This is a personal choice and not for everyone).

The books and blogs say that if you’re suffering in your first trimester you’ll probably see the clouds part in the second one. You’ll miraculously feel a surge of energy, all your issues will subside and you’ll experience the “honeymoon” period of pregnancy. Well, around week 14 and my second trimester my nausea went away which was wonderful however, the headaches did not. In fact around week 16 they reared back up again and it was so bad that I wasn’t able to fly to my Grandmother’s funeral this past week because of it.

So, what now? Nothing. I just keep taking it one day at a time. I wake up and feel my growing belly and talk to my little girl in there (who is now fluttering around and dancing a bit- she get’s it from her mama). I tell her I love her, her father loves her, her grandparents and aunts and uncles love her. I tell her everything is going to be okay. I’m telling that to myself too. It can be scary to feel bad during pregnancy. It’s important to try to keep calm and peaceful and not let the worry or stress of feeling bad overcome you. So each day, I check and and see what I can do to try to work with what needs to be done that day and how I’m feeling. Then, I just do the best I can and make smart, safe choices all day with what I eat, what I do and do not do, for this baby I’m in charge of.

If you are having a hard pregnancy, it’s okay. The light isn’t at the end of the tunnel, it’s inside you, growing there, so let it shine from the inside out and be okay with it all. You can be upset about being in pain, exhausted from struggling through headaches and nausea all day AND also filled with the love and light inside you, for and around your baby. Shine on, even if it’s from the couch.

Note: If you’re suffering from headaches and don’t want to take Tylenol here are some tips and tricks I’ve found that can help:

-Drink tons of water

-Try small doses of caffeine

-Try some sugar (in my case fruit didn’t cut it, I had to actually eat some real refined sugar or chocolate which is sugar and caffeine).

-Move slowly. Getting up and down fast can cause your headache to pound more. Don’t forget your blood volume has increased by 50% and so this could also be why you’re having these issues. Move slowly honey…don’t have to rush, it helps.

-Listen to your body! If you’re body says to lay down, go lay down. If your body says to eat, go eat. If a long hot bath sounds like it may calm your nerves, go run one.

-Get a pregnancy massage by someone trained in prenatal massage. It can help relax and relive some of the pressure. 

-Try acupuncture with someone trained to work on pregnant women. It can help. 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “This Is and Is Not My Fantasy Pregnancy: all at the same time.

  1. Very well written, and ohhhh, sooooo, TRUE. As a mother of 23 and 26 yr old daughters who I LOVE with every corpuscle in my body, I still remember with a visceral shudder, my first trimester of both pregnancies. HORRIBLE “Morning sickness” that lasted 24/7 for three months. I lost weight. My sense of smell was perversely heightened which only added to my nausea and misery. I didn’t feel that fairy tale maternal instinct we all read about until the actual birth of my first daughter. I was so frightened that I would be a cold mother, detached from my baby. Thennnnn, mother nature kicked in, and all those bonding hormones coursed through my veins and it was LOVE at first sight. An unbelievable bond that Sophia Loren describes as “wearing your heart outside your body , 24/7, for the rest of your life”. Hang in there, my dear. You’re on the right path, your path…it is such a personal journey. Take good care of you, xo ❤

  2. Pregnancy is not a joy ride for many, including myself. I had sciatic nerve pain from conception til delivery. Not joking. And this was before prenatal massages were readily available. For my first pregnancy I was shuffling around like an old lady for the last three months, went past my due date and had to be induced. Second pregnancy the same, except I had horrible morning sickness for the first 3 months and I was hobbling around like an old lady when the stomach calmed down. For the third child, I was in tears by month six. I didn’t want to risk my child’s well being but I was in so much back pain and I didn’t think I could make it. I did, of course. My one reprieve was investing in an air bed after baby #2. I had the mattress setting down to almost waterbed softness, as my hips, joints and back ached so badly. Those who are blessed with painless pregnancies are not the norm. Well, maybe they are, but you will endure because you already love your child unconditionally. Best of luck to you and your new baby!

    • Thank you so much for sharing Laura! Wow your experience sounds SO hard, all 3 times. Perhaps someone else reading this blog can relate your experience as well! That is why it’s so important for us to all share with each other.

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